Going Long Podcast_SOLO Episode 445_Billy Keels

Mon, Aug 12, 2024 11:13AM • 12:05

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

success, feel, define, definition, positive energy, promotion, creating, successful, external validation, chasing, constantly, guess, realize, recognize, life, listen, perfectionist, started, sit, move

SPEAKERS

Billy Keels

‍

Billy Keels  00:00

Today's conversation is sponsored by the Billy keels advisory program. If you want to learn more about how to make your nine to five optional, just go to Billy keels.com forward slash advising. Once again, that's Billy keels.com forward slash advising. You're so successful and it's still not enough, like literally you're feeling inside everything around you, everyone's telling you you've got all the external qualities that everyone looks for. And I say everyone, meaning those around you. Everything's gone for you, and you still feel like it's not enough, like you've got to do more when everybody else on the outside is in, wow. You've arrived at the pinnacle. Been there, done that. I know it can feel empty. I know it can feel like you're constantly in Chase, or you're chasing something that you're never going to get. And I just want you to know that you're not alone, especially when you get to this point where everybody around you is going, Oh my gosh. You've achieved so much. You've done this, you've done that. You're just at the top of the circle, you're going to get the promotion again. And guess what? At home, everybody thinks everything's going well, and you just keep pushing, pushing, pushing, because you still feel like it's not enough. You're not given enough. And I want to tell you that a lot of this is not even your fault, because you are the a student. You are the person who continues to go out and do the right thing and go above and beyond. And it started really early, like it's not your fault, because that's what you were taught in school. You were taught to go home, when you go to school, come home, study real hard, then you're going to take a test, and then if you get an A on the test, then that means you did really well. And so then when you get an A, you want to go back and you want to study more, and then you want to get the A again. You want to get the recognition. You want to get this kind of loop that keeps going around. And then after they say, go to school, get good grades, then you have to go to the right college, get the right grades, get the right job, get a good job. And then once you get in the good job, then you want to also make sure that you're overachieving, you're beating your colleagues, and that you're in line for promotion. More promotion moves you up to the top of the stack. This top of the stack at the org chart means you have more people reporting to you. You're making more money, you're working more hours. See what I mean, it's not your fault. Like this is something that you learned from the very beginning. And so when everybody else around you says you're so successful and you still feel like it's not enough, it's because you're looking for the next thing you're constantly chasing. And I'm here to tell you that most of my life, I was in the exact same loop as you, right? Because I spent most of my life chasing success. But the thing is, it was success defined by somebody else. Because success in the beginning, when I was in middle school, or when I was in school, was get a good grade. After that, it was get into the right college. And then once you got to the right college, it goes back to getting the right grades, getting the right degree, the right major, after the right major start working for the right company. Well, I've talked about this before. I got rejected for my dream company twice changed the trajectory of my life. And so there are some things that you can also find in that I can figure out the episode, but I can't remember, but I did talk about that in one of the previous episodes. But the whole thing is, I don't want to digress too much. Most of my life, I did the same thing. I was chasing success, whatever that definition was, but the it was defined by somebody else. Definitely wanted to be successful. Wanted to be the reliable one, the successful one, and at the end of the day, I really wanted to just feel fulfilled, like deep down inside, I wanted to be fulfilled. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted to know that I gave it my all and and once I was in the corporate life, I realized, like I've been doing this most of my life, this is going to go on forever. This is a never ending cycle of, how do I burn more energy? Because you're always chasing the next thing. And so this is especially difficult for you. For those of us that are perfectionists, I am a self proclaimed recovering perfectionist. We are more susceptible than anybody else, because wanting to do things perfectly, getting that recognition and getting that validation early on in life, and then having it happen to us through life, it's really hard on us. And so this, specifically, this episode is, you know, when you're feeling so successful, especially if you're in your, like, early 30s or mid 30s, like, and you're probably having kids and all that kind of stuff. Like, listen, listen, listen to this episode, because I've been there. I've done that, and I want to help to also give you some ideas of what you can do to start to reset the path so that you're not constantly exhausted by trying to chase someone else's definition of success. So recognizing that, especially you perfectionist, we are much more susceptible than everybody else, but others are. Acceptable to and I want to give you somewhat of the plan that I started to use once I started getting just to this point of exhaustion, like I can't keep chasing somebody else's definition of success. First and foremost was to sit down and says, Who is defining success? The only person that should be defining your level of success is you, literally, you, not your mom, not your dad, not your husband, not your wife, not your kids. You are the person who should define that. You can talk to other people about it, but you need to define it first and foremost. Secondly, you should probably ask yourself, why is it necessary? Why do you need to be successful? Is that the right criteria success? Or is it the progress towards something? And also ask you, whatever it is that you're looking for you're wanting to achieve or wanting to evolve towards? Is it something that gives you positive energy, meaning that you feel good about doing it constantly doing it, that you don't feel exhausted when you're in pursuit of whatever this new defined level of successes. And the reason I say that is because you're going to constantly be in pursuit of something like I know that for me, I spent all of my life chasing someone else's definition, and I just gave you the examples from early on in school, all the way to getting the right job, getting promotions, the whole path. But there is everything that you've been taught up until now, and now it's your opportunity to create what is success like to your current reality. Whenever you're listening to this or watching this now, it's up to you. Up until now, you've let everybody else define what is success, and you've just taken that as the word right or the rule of law, I think is what you say, like that is the definition. Well, today you're going to get more power, because you are able to start to define what success looks like. Is success exactly the right thing? Why is it necessary? And then, does it create positive energy for you. Because one of the worst things you can do for yourself, because I did it for a really long time, is constantly look for validation and approval from other people. Yes, it feels great, and you may on the outside, everyone will say that it's great, but you inside know that you're constantly in search for the next piece of recognition, external validation, rather than you yourself recognizing. Hey, listen, you're you are progressing towards whatever definition that you're looking for, happiness, success. If it is success, what does that mean? Are you truly looking for success, or do you want to continue to move towards that? And when you move towards it, is it giving you positive energy? Because you may actually realize that at the end of the day, when everybody else is telling you how successful you are, but you're feeling empty inside, you may start to ask yourself the same questions I started asking myself, like, Is success the right metric to be defining or the right metric to be measured against. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. I started realizing that other people's external validation of what my success was based on their criteria not the thing for me anymore. Definitely realize it's a lot less exhausting, it's much more fulfilling and helps move towards life's purpose. If you're not just if you're not looking for success, you're looking to make an impact, you're looking to help others, because the real transformation starts to happen is when you recognize that you are, in fact, defining what and I'm putting up air quotes here, if you're not watching the video quotes what success looks like. That probably is no longer the promotion, the title, the extra money, because the money's just sitting in your bank account anyway. It's not doing anything. It's going to provide you with some sense of security at a point in time, but the majority, unless you're effectively letting it flow and using it effectively, it's just sitting there, stagnant in the bank account anyway, started to think about the new definition. Are you getting the appropriate amount of time investing with family and friends? I know that when I left corporate, that was my moment. I feel like I was moving towards that. It was the time to invest more energy, more time, quality time with family, with friends. And so that became the new definition of success, because it was control over my time, being able to invest time with family, with friends, being able to travel the world, to be able to share experiences with closest friends, being intentional about the relationships that I was forming, creating and continue to form, and continue to create, even little things like, Do you have enough time to sit down and read a book? Maybe it's time that you start to write a book. You've got a book inside of you. You've had enough life experiences. That's the thing. That's the new definition of moving towards your success or successful outcome. Maybe you're even like me, like I told myself very long time I couldn't cook. Guess what? That was wrong. So. Every time there's a new meal that's created a new idea that's provoked through in the kitchen, that's guess what, they're moving towards a successful outcome. So it's really important to recognize that when you are perceived as successful by everybody else, but you're not feeling that inside, that you're feeling empty, or you're feeling like, Hey, listen, something's missing here. You're not alone. And like I said, it's not your fault. But now you have the opportunity to start to redefine what it is that you want from life, why you want it from life, and how is it providing you with positive energy? So just want to let you know, if you're having these feelings, you're having these thoughts, you're not alone. If you want somebody to chat with, you know where I am. Make it pretty easy. But more importantly, take today's episode. Share it with someone else, because it gives you something that you can start to talk about. Sometimes it's really uncomfortable, like, I know, for a long time, I didn't talk about a lot of this kind of stuff, and I didn't have an outlet to do it. So use me as an example. Use the podcast. Share it with somebody else and be like, Hey, listen. I heard this guy, and we were talking, he was talking about this. I've gone through this, and you may know somebody else is going through the same thing. It's gonna be a great way for you to start a conversation and open up and start to define what is your new level of maybe it's connection. Maybe it's connect, creating, connection, creating or being able to contribute more. And this is your way of doing it. Share the podcast. So while you take today's episode, you share it with other people. Guess what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna be right here. I'm gonna be creating another episode for you. And while I'm doing that, I want you to go out and make it a great day. And I want to say thank you very, very much. Today's conversation was sponsored by the Billy keels advisory program. If you're looking to make your nine to five optional and need some help, just go to Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising. Once again, that's Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising.

‍

11:50

You

‍