Going Long Podcast_SOLO Episode 452_Billy Keels

Tue, Sep 03, 2024 8:06AM • 12:19

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

feeling, talked, investing, fear, episode, wanted, helped, life, recognized, priorities, day, marathon, large multinational, billy, high performers, perfectionist, boundaries, dads, conflict, program

SPEAKERS

Billy Keels

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Billy Keels  00:00

Today's conversation is sponsored by the Billy keels advisory program. If you want to learn more about how to make your nine to five optional, just go to Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising. Once again, that's Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising, what to do when you fear not being enough. Now, another topic that I consistently speak to people about actually, recently, one of the things that I've noticed that seems to be a lot of lot of the men that I speak to this seems to come up more and more, and whether that I said they're coming through through a DM on LinkedIn, direct message through LinkedIn, or someone who's commented and wants to apply for the Billy keels advisory program. But this is a topic that it's really close to my heart, because this is something that I also struggled with the more that I'm aware of it now, this is one of the things that I am also now. I want to, I want to use this platform to share what you can do, because there is a consistent conversation that I'm having, as I mentioned, with people, that is, you have this fear of not being enough, not feeling that you're enough. And so aside from having the conversations, I wanted to go find some some other information. And it was, I don't know, but it's just a piece of information. This is a stat that says 59% of dads wish they felt more seen. Now. This was an article that I read@parents.com of course, I'm looking and wanting to understand how I can become a better father consistently. And so I'm always looking for information. And one of these things that I just felt was interesting was 59% of dads wish they felt more seen. And this is an article, as I said@parents.com, and it made me think about this perfectionist tendency, right? Because I'm a recovering perfectionist, and a lot of the people that I'm speaking to, you're high performers. You are already a part of the top talent program, you are crushing it at the office, and you are feeling like you are still inadequate at home, and there are parts of your job where you're still feeling like you're doing so much and you're not receiving the recognition or reward that you feel like you can get Been there done that. Also, as a perfectionist, I can tell you that perfectionism can kill a lot of this perception that you have, because it this idea of being perfect, it actually warps your perception of reality. Kind of you want to know how I know I've been there, done that, and also, too, when I and this is something I talk about a lot of the context of your life and where you come from and where you are now, that also has a lot to do with these feelings of of sometimes not being enough, because you want to work so hard, you want to run, you want to escape from where you came from at the same time, you want to be able to give back to those who have helped you get to where you are today, and it's just reality like this is one of the things I talked about in episode 447, but when you're doing the work and you want to achieve the result at office and at home, and you're still feeling like you're doing so much and you're not there, it can it feels like someone's kicking you In the gut, and you're doing so much work, and you don't feel like you're getting the recognition, you don't feel like you're getting an award, or like the 59% of the dads in this parents.com survey said that they wish they felt more seen at home, right? So was one of the things that because growing up wanting to be the known as the reliable one, wanting to be someone who gets things done right, done right the first time. It's something I can definitely relate to. It's something like I said I talk about all the time. But there's also this deep down desire to want to be recognized, especially at home, because I know that I wanted to be recognized at home as someone who was admired, someone who is also recognized and admired at home, whether that's right or wrong. That's what I was feeling inside like. That's the thing that was pushing me, and I know it pushes a lot of you, because you have the same kind of fear of not being enough. And I want to talk to you about what to do about that. So as I was going through this, this, this moment in my life, I remember also too. This is, you know, had anyone who had been with a life partner, a husband, a wife for a long time? There's never, it's never perfect. And I remember back in in the day, and I'm thinking about this kind of particular instance when started recognizing, hey, listen, this marriage is not absolutely perfect. So you go and you and you get people to help you get the right perspective on things. Also, this was at a point where I just changed roles. I was going from a very cushy executive inside role to one where I was going out into going out into the field. People, and I talked about that episode 445, you know, you're successful. You still like you're not feeling like you're enough, very similar to what we're talking about here, but just a little bit different. So as these things are happening in life, or realize, like, wow, hang on. I gotta do something, but then I recognize it. Then once again, like when you look around and you just pick your head up, sometimes you will start to see that there are other people that are actually they are not having the same struggle that you are, and so you can learn from them. So this is what I did. I picked my head up and I recognized, okay, well, it seems like this person understands where they are. They understand the worth that they're bringing at work and at home. And so what did I do? I went over and talked to him. I asked him questions I wanted to find out, because I wanted to learn from top performers, especially at the office, those that seem that they had the things that seemed that they had things in in order, and you ask the right questions, you ask better questions, you get better responses, and that helps you to formulate your worldview. So as I started learning from other high performers, because I was a high performer, right? I talked about that multiple times, being not all the time, but multiple years in top talent program, or catalyst, is what they called it. And so I wanted to learn from other people that were in a similar environment, right? Because a players run with a players. It's just what happens. It's the normal thing. At the same time, I took their inputs and I wanted to create to create my own plan, and that own plan that I wanted to do so that I could start feeling better about what I was doing and not having this kind of like feeling of not being enough. I wanted to start executing on that daily. And I knew one of the things that I had to do, especially one in at the time in my marriage, was to invest more time. That's what I did. That's what I was doing, because that's what you do when you're an A player. You go out and you do the work. I also wanted to make sure that I was investing quality time with my with my sons, being able to be there in the evenings, and a lot of times, what that meant was getting up early in the morning, taking an early morning flight and being back at home at night, working all day. But I loved sleeping in my bed at night. I still love sleeping in my bed at night, my own bed and so but it was about being able to do those, execute on my plan every single day, do the things that were important, that were filling my cup, because that helped to take away that fear of not being enough, because I was there, I was present, and as I learned from others, I created my own plan for my own world and the priorities for my life. Now I won't tell you that it was easy. Of course, there's always going to be this conflict that happens between work and home, and it's something that I've even invested two of these podcasts about. And I've talked to you about that, whether it's how you can effectively, like, get over that conflict and set your own boundaries. And I talked about that in depth in Episode 424, so if you want to understand more about how you can set your boundaries, go listen to episode 424, or also this whole concept of corporate obedience. I just talked about that in the last episode. And so you want to check out episode 451, you can check that out just to give you some more idea. But this conflict can in the beginning. It's always going to exist because you're doing something new. You want to get rid of this fear of not being enough, and so you've got to start to set more boundaries. You've got to work to eliminate this conflict that has existed up until now. But you take control of that. Don't let anybody else take control of that. It's up to you. So once you do that, and that's what I did, eventually got to a point where, you know, the corporate machine was moving, doing its thing, and my priorities were what was leading and that allowed me to feel like okay, as my priorities took the lead, and I was living out my priorities on a day to day basis, even to the point where I was able to enjoy the last four years of my corporate life, which extended over 26 years. The last four years I was going into a role, performing a role because I wanted to, not because I had to. There were no external pressures, the work my life, priorities. I had already gotten to where I needed to be. I didn't need the job anymore. I liked going there. I liked being surrounded by super, super smart people and figuring out big, complex problems with big companies. And that's what the large multinational provided me. That was what I got in return. And I also got the freedom of time. I invested more time with my family, and was right on that track. And so it was, it was great. And so it helped to not have that fear of not being enough anymore, which is why I'm sharing it with you. But more importantly, it also helped me to recognize that the work and doing the work daily helped me to understand, once again, that this whole thing, and I come back to it so many times, because I just want you to remember that it's you versus you. That's how you can get rid of the fear of not being enough, is stop comparing. Yourself to everybody else, make sure you that you are investing the time with the people that you love. You're checking in with them. They're giving you the feedback that you need. And the race this marathon, It's you versus you, and you do the best that you can with the circumstances you've been given and or created, and you just work on it every day, and It's you versus you when you focus on that, that It's you versus you, that it's a marathon, and that you're investing your time in the way that you want to you are going to know exactly what to do because you're doing it, and you're going to have much less fear of not being enough because you're doing the things that fill your cup every day, and if you feel like you need some help, and how to do that, some direction. If this episode isn't enough, if you feel like you need to get on the phone you want to chat with me, well, this we made it really easy. Click one of the links here if you know somebody who has a similar challenge. And this is like, oh my gosh, I need to forward this episode over to them. Do that. Talk to your friend, talk to your family member. Hopefully this episode has been helpful for you, for them, because I enjoyed doing them. Love to know if you enjoyed listening to them. If you want to leave an honest review, feel free to do that. But more importantly, don't just let this be a theoretical exercise, or you're driving your car and you're not putting some part of what you've heard today into practice, into theory, challenge it. How does it work in your life? Because that's one of the reasons I invest my time to do these podcasts, is so that you can take something away that's actionable. So while you're taking this, putting this into action, I'm going to be here preparing for or recording another episode. So I want you to go out and make it a great day, and when I want to say thank you very, very much. Today's conversation was sponsored by the Billy keels advisory program. If you're looking to make your nine to five optional and need some help, just go to Billy keels.com forward slash advising once again, that's Billy keels.com forward slash advising you.

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