Billy Keels  0:00  

How to confidently overcome an unwanted tense family triangle. Today's conversation is sponsored by the Billy Keels advisory program. If you want to learn more about how to make your nine to five optional, just go to Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising, once again, that's Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising, how to confidently overcome an unwanted tense family triangle is something I actually didn't even see coming in one of the conversations that I was having with the with an executive, and she brought this situation to me, and I thought to myself, yeah, this is something I definitely need to bring to the podcast. Is something that I need to share, of course, not using anyone's name, but just the scenario, because this is also something that unfortunately plays out way too often in the life of a corporate executive. And maybe it's not exactly this specific situation, but this one, I mean, it kind of, it didn't, kind of, it struck a chord with me so much to the point that I thought I gotta share it here. And so the whole conversation that took place because this was someone who was interested. She was interested in joining the Billy Keels Advisory Program, and she described this concept to me that I'd not really ever heard before. And when I heard it, I thought to myself, hmm, yeah, this is, this is something I gotta, I gotta bring to the podcast. Because what she described to me was something that I think anyone who is a corporate exec and who spends a lot of times on airplanes, specifically, but but trains, or even in your car a lot of time, consistently over decades. It's something that may resonate with you, no it's definitely going to resonate, resonate with you. And the thing is, is that, as she was going through life, and she was continuing to be the, the primary breadwinner, the person who bring in the cash for the for the household, a high ranking executive that was, that was kind of the role that she had continued to be in, and it continues to be in. And we kind of, as we had the conversation, it was more okay. Well, yeah, I get it. A lot of execs that I've talked to are the primary breadwinner. But what is it that you really want? And it's not a surprise, but, but, but I will share with you, because ultimately, what I want you to understand is how you could confidently overcome if you feel this like unwanted, tense family triangle, like there's something that you can do that will easily change the rhythm, but wanting to be someone who was a provider, or wanting to be someone who was reliable, I got that. But it was when we went next. It was like, how did the question was, you know, understanding what, what was it that led her to this particular point, not her, but her and her family. Because I want to tell you about this, you're probably asking yourself, well, what is the tense family triangle? Well, what she described was being was coming home, and over time, recognizing that as she came home, that she would come home, but then it was almost like the kids and her spouse were at the table, or they were talking amongst themselves, and then it was the kids would go after dinner or leave after dinner, and then it was her and her spouse. And so it became what, what she described as the family triangle, and it made her feel really uncomfortable, because it was almost the spouse and the kids versus her, or her versus the kids, or her versus her spouse. And so this kind of tense triangle began to develop, and it developed over time, and she was really not liking that, in spite of being the primary bread renew and everyone's happy and all these kinds of things. And so what we started realizing was that a lot of that was attributed to being was working around the clock and constantly being gone and and calling from the car and not necessarily checking in as frequently as as necessary. And, and that was the reason for the outreach, to say, Hey, listen, it's, you know, it sounds like you're, you're working with people that are going through very similar things. And so we started talking, and the idea was really like, because she didn't know where to start with. We started talking about what was, was the, was the end game to continue to work and move up the corporate ladder. Because that's, that's an end game, that's a legit end game. Was the goal to to stop working and to do something completely different in a different in a different industry, and potentially not earn the same type of income and have to change lifestyle significantly. That was another path. Was it to continue on the path and at the same time, instead of doing 200% to knock down to 150% or from 150 to 100 Percent still getting an over achievement against the key performance indicators, KPIs, or the management by objectives, the MBOs. There are a lot of different paths, but the question was, which was the right path, and why was that going to be the right path? And so because there wasn't a clear starting point, or not really an understanding, but wanting to get rid of this tense family triangle, we just kind of brought it back to the basics, right? The basics of being able to say, well, rather than just trying a lot of different things, to get rid of this tense triangle that you're feeling every day when you when you show up at home, or you're on the road for a week at a time, and then you want to try lots of different goals, not necessarily having a clear strategy. It was, how about we stop everything and bring it back? You get clear on your strategy, just like you do in your corporate role. Because in your corporate role, that's one of the reasons that you continue to excel, to continue to move up the org chart, is because you have a clear plan of action, and you and your team are out moving the needle positively every single day you're doing it in the corporate world, Where you know, what's the reason for not doing that, also in your own personal life. So being able to sit down and to stop and say, Okay, well, listen, how do we put these what is necessary, what is needed? And so as we went through very high level, we decided, hey, listen, what could help you? And it was really three very simple things. And these three things were, first of all, understanding clearly what was what was she wanting to do, and why was she wanting to do it. And part of that was being able to eliminate this feeling, this tense family triangle, right? And then secondly, how could she continue to perform at her company and performing in her company, being able to leverage the skills, the tools, the assets, the access that she has, in the same way that the company was leveraging her skills, her access her network right, getting that right, and then being able to figure out, okay, well, what is the, what is the concept that is going to really help To increase the number of options that you can actually take, so that you're not feeling that the only path is the corporate path, which means that you have to continue to be on planes, trains and automobiles all the time, and every single day you come home, you're feeling like there's this tense family triangle right to get those three things in place as the part, the foundation for your strategy, the clarity, the company and the concept, right. And by the way, if you want to know more about this one particular, very simple strategy concept, just go listen to episode 457 and no episode 478 sorry. Episode 478 is, is going to help you get more detail around this. So episode 478 will help you out with that. Because the thing is, is once you start to move in this direction, like it's part of the process, for you to feel a bit conflicted. Because you're feeling conflicted because you want to get rid get get to an end game. You want to take away this family, this tense family triangle. You want to get rid of that, but you've got to go through a little bit of uneasiness, being clear with your with your family, clear with your employer in terms of what is happening, so that you you get to a point where you're thinking, all right, this situation is going to change. Because the positive part that happens for you is that, number one, you're aware of it. Because when, when she and I were having this conversation, like she was already aware of what was happening. So that's the greatest part, because once you're aware, you can actually take action. You can do something. And if you weren't aware and you're listening, you thought the title, hey, listen this. No, this is this episode's for you, so now you're aware, so you can continue to take action, right? Because you don't want to feel this way. You don't want to have this tent city, this tension, this tension all the time, especially with with family, with loved ones. Because ultimately, when this, when you address what is happening at home, internally, you will get to a point where it's no longer about the tense family triangle, but you're actually and you're not even at a point where you're looking for work life balance, believe it or not, that's not what you're looking for. No, you're looking for a work life harmony situation, Harmony situation. Work Life, Harmony situation. That's what you're looking for. That's what you want. Because that harmony crushes that tense triangle. It crushes it.

That's what you're looking for. And so the thing that you can do to confidently overcome an. In a tense family. Triangle is, number one is to have the awareness and you're already aware, because if you weren't, you wouldn't be here. And number two, and this is critical, especially for you recovering perfectionist, or you perfectionist, is go from awareness to take action. Because when you take action, that's the thing that's going to help you to be able to get to that, that state of the work life, harmony, and crush the tension, the tense family triangle, crush that thing. All right. Well, listen why you are thinking about this, this concept. There's more than likely someone that's come into your mind, and when that person comes into your mind, you know what? It's really easy. Just to forward to share today's episode, share it with them. It's going to make it really easy. Then you can have a conversation with them. Talk about the concepts that you've thought about today are brought to the surface of your mind. And while you're doing that, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be right here, because I'm gonna be here preparing for the very next episode. So until then, I want you to go out and make it a great day, and when I say thank you very, very much. Today's conversation was sponsored by the Billy Keels advisory program. If you're looking to make your nine to five optional and need some help, just go to Billy keels.com forward slash advising. Once again, that's Billy keels.com. Forward slash advising you.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

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